HAS THE MAN GONE SOFT?
THE OFFENDER: Jonathan Martin
THE CRIME: Mushing up a previously hard-edged weblog
THE VERDICT: GUILTY
Buddy. Come on.
We know you want to pay homage to the amazing photographer that is myself, but doing it publicly just sissifies you. Buddy, ye who was the once the source of everything hard-hitting and risque (see: Seriously?, January 24, 2009), ye who was once a no-holds-barred filmmaker (see: Lemko Lemko, Bird Attack, etc.)... Now what films are you polluting with your sickening brand of neo-romance? A Meg Ryan biopic?
I tried to contact Jonathan regarding his newfound creamy center, but official representatives at the Martin compound had only this to say: "No Comment, Grungebag."Buddy.
Come back to the dark side. No more footsie matches under the kitchen table of life. Embrace your true self. Return to seediness.